I Wish MY Job Application Looked Like THIS One!

Just received this in e-mail:

WAL-MART Job Application: This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to Wal-Mart in Florida .. and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! He now works in loss prevention…

Well, I don’t know if I believe THAT, but it reads good!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who’ll cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, wouldn’t I be there?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Photoshoppers RULE

One of the guys on AR15.com created this faux movie poster, and I just had to put it up here:

That’s OUTSTANDING!

Pass a New Gun Control Law, Make Lots of New Criminals Out of Good Citizens

Australia has “tightened” the “loopholes” in its gun laws again, and is about to engage in a buyback compensated confiscation of firearms from innocent civilians. But many, according to this report, won’t comply. And that will make them criminals. In for a penny….

The money quote?

Geelong Gun and Rod Association president Miles Hodge said most antiques were harmless because ammunition was unavailable “or they’re so ancient they’re more likely to blow up in your face than they are to kill someone”.

He said the buyback would not make the community safer because illegal unregistered firearms used for criminal purposes outweighed registered banned guns used by genuine collectors.

That’s because it isn’t about safety. It’s about control.

The Friday Five

1. What’s the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?

Portland, Oregon. That’s where I was Tuesday through Thursday. Actually, Forest Grove, but it’s a suburb.

2. What’s the most bizarre/unusual thing that’s ever happened to you while traveling?

On my honeymoon my wife and I got the last room at the Holiday Inn in the town I grew up in – and a hurricane came ashore right on top of the town that night. Wasn’t much of a hurricane, though. I’d been through worse.

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?

The Alpha Quadrant. Warp factor nine.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?

If I have my druthers, I’ll drive.

5. What’s the next place on your list to visit?

I’m planning to spend my tenth wedding anniversary on a beach in the Lower Keys. But that’s just under two years from now.

Please, Allow Me to Fisk…

Instapundit pointed to this USA Today piece on the political third-rail that gun control has become. I thought it was interesting, but (of course) I had some comments:

Gun-control debate gets muzzled

On the same day last month, five factory workers in Mississippi were shot and killed by a co-worker and five people in a family in Bakersfield, Calif., were killed by gunfire.

Not too long ago, dramatic slayings such as these would have created a new chapter in the national debate over gun control. There would have been angry speeches in Congress and new proposals to crack down on firearms.

But today, there is mostly silence.

That’s a point I made in an earlier essay.

Democrats, who believe that their calls for gun controls might have cost them the White House in 2000, are less willing to take on the gun lobby. Polls suggest that public fears about terrorism have helped mute the debate.

Meanwhile, the gun industry is racking up legislative wins. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, says there are not enough votes in the House to renew Congress’ 1994 ban on certain assault weapons when it expires next year.

I certainly hope so. I was pissed off enough when it passed. I’d really be P.O.’d if Dubya signed the renewal.

And now, gun rights supporters are closing in on what probably would be their most enduring victory.

The Senate is close to passing a bill that would shield firearms manufacturers and dealers from civil lawsuits brought by victims of gun crimes. The measure, which the House passed 285-140 as 63 Democrats voted with the GOP majority, is an effort to shield the gun industry from the type of lawsuits that have been successful against tobacco and asbestos companies.

The popularity of the bill — it has 54 co-sponsors in the Senate, including several top Democrats — underscores the changed political dynamics of gun control. Senate Minority Whip Harry Reid, D-Nev., has signed on, and Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle, D-S.D., might do so.

Which would be a pretty fair gauge of just how at-risk Daschle thinks his seat is.

The political divide over gun control has long cut geographically: Rural areas generally oppose greater controls on firearms, and urban areas generally favor them. Republicans usually oppose restrictions; Democrats usually back them. But Democrats in rural areas where hunting is a tradition have a tough time winning elections if they are seen by voters as anti-gun.

Let me interject something here: I know that the term “anti-gun” is just shorthand reporterese, but realistically the term successfully redefines the issue. It isn’t that the electorate thinks the politician is “anti-gun,” but that the electorate believes the politician wants to disarm law-abiding citizens. That isn’t anti-gun, that’s anti-citizen – and the electorate has generally known it. Since 911, a lot more of the electorate has woken to that fact.

That longtime party dilemma came into sharp focus after Democrat Al Gore, a supporter of gun controls, lost the key states of Arkansas, Tennessee and West Virginia en route to his narrow defeat in the 2000 presidential election. Some Democrats believe Gore’s stance on guns was to blame.

Some Republicans, Libertarians, and Independents thought so too.

Democrats became even more reticent after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, made improving security a national priority.

When Republican pollster David Winston asked Americans about plans to allow pilots to carry guns in the cockpit, he found that married women with children — traditionally the strongest voices favoring gun control — were among the biggest supporters.

“The soccer mom who wants to gets guns off the playgrounds through gun control is the same mom who wants pilots to be armed ” he said. “The dynamic has changed. . . . It’s putting it in the context of safety.”

And didn’t that shock their socks off! Hell, we’ve always put it in the context of safety. And for that matter so has our opposition. We say it increases your safety, they say it increases your risk. Looks like the soccer-mom contingent has made its choice.

Immunity legislation

Today, much of the conflict over gun control is focused on the litigation bill that is before Congress.

The bill would stop pending civil lawsuits and prevent future claims by victims of gun crimes against companies that sold, imported or manufactured the weapons used in such crimes. Similar legislation has been passed in 32 states. But opponents say the federal proposal is more sweeping and could prevent the firearms industry from being sued in almost any circumstance.

“I would say the breadth of the immunity granted is unprecedented,” says Dennis Henigan, legal counsel to the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. “No other industry enjoys the kind of protection from legal actions that this bill would grant the gun industry.”

So sayeth the mouthpiece of the organization that promotes the book Every Handgun is Aimed at You: The Case for Banning Handguns by Josh Sugarman, executive director of the Violence Policy Center. What do you expect him to say?

The Brady Center, which is providing legal assistance in about two dozen lawsuits against the industry, says the bill would stop a lawsuit filed by relatives of those slain in a series of attacks that included the sniper shootings last fall in the Washington, D.C., area.

As well it should. The whole point of these lawsuits is to bankrupt the manufacturers since the gunban control groups have failed to shut them down legislatively.

Representatives of the firearms industry say legitimate businesses that sell guns legally should not be held responsible when the guns end up in criminals’ hands. They say the legislation before Congress is needed to protect gunmakers and dealers from bankruptcy, which has become a threat as the number of lawsuits against the industry increases.

Lawrence Keane, general counsel of the National Shooting Foundation, says gun dealers or manufacturers have not lost a case yet but have spent more than $100 million in legal fees defending themselves.

Now, it might be that my tinfoil hat is on a bit askew, but was it an innocent mistake to screw up Lawrence Keane’s position? He’s Vice President and general counsel for the National Shooting Sports Foundation. So, he represents sport shooters, not gang-bangers. OK?

“If a dealer sells a legal product to a consumer who has undergone a criminal background check and filled out the federally required forms, and (who) later gives that gun to someone else to commit a crime, that dealer should not be sued,” Keane says. Dealers or manufacturers who violate gun laws should be subject to lawsuits, he says. But Henigan counters that if the federal bill becomes law, the victims’ families in the sniper lawsuit would have to prove that the owner of the Bull’s Eye Shooter Supply in Tacoma, Wash., willfully violated gun laws involving the specific gun used in the slayings.

Well, HORRORS! Apparently Mr. Henigan believes that, simply because the owner of Bull’s Eye Shooter Supply should pay regardless of the facts.

That could be difficult to prove in court, Henigan says. The shop owner, Brian Borgelt, has claimed that the rifle allegedly used by John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo was shoplifted.

The facts are that Brian Borgelt ran a shoddy operation, that the BATF knew he ran a shoddy operation, but the BATF only recently yanked Mr. Borgelt’s license because of all the publicity. It would seem to me that the party that needs to be sued for not doing their job is the BATF, but we know how likely that is. According to a Seattle Times report, Lee Boyd Malvo confessed that he stole the gun from the gun shop. (Original story is not available on-line, but reference to it is in this one.) Yes, by all appearances, Bull’s Eye was badly run, but it’s the job of the BATF to control that – not stomp kittens. If Malvo had fingered Borgelt for selling the gun under the table, then there’d be grounds for a suit, and the “immunity” legislation wouldn’t save him.

But somebody please explain to me why (other than perceived deep pockets) Bushmaster is being sued? How is it their fault?

The bill to shield gunmakers and sellers from lawsuits was passed by the House in April, while much of the nation’s attention was focused on Iraq.

With the unspoken: “Those sneaky bastards!”

In the Senate, sponsors quickly signed on. Opponents, led by Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., promise to filibuster the bill to try to prevent it from coming up for a vote. But sponsors need just six more votes, for a total of 60, to end a filibuster and force a vote.

Tobacco model

Litigation against the gun industry has come on the heels of lawsuits that cost tobacco companies billions of dollars in settlements.

From an industry that can support those kinds of losses. The gun industry in America is not so large, regardless of our love of guns. The tactic isn’t to milk the companies for everything they can, it’s to bleed them to death through lawsuit after lawsuit, regardless of the outcome. That’s why the legislation is necessary.

In 1998, Chicago, which had banned the sale of handguns, sued the firearms industry. The city claimed that the industry had created a public nuisance through sales patterns that allowed guns to be diverted to criminals. Within two years, 33 other cities and counties sued on similar grounds.

There is no count of the number of gun crime victims who have sued, but their claims include allegations of unsafe design and negligent distribution.

And they can still sue for unsafe design – but not if the gun goes off when the trigger is pulled. Negligent distribution? That one doesn’t fly anywhere.

So far, none of the lawsuits has been successful.

Gee, I wonder why?

Suits in New Orleans, Miami, Atlanta, Wilmington, Del., and Camden County, N.J., have been dismissed. Boston and Cincinnati voluntarily dropped their claims, in part because of cost.

And remember, they’re doing it on the taxpayer’s back. The gun industry isn’t.

About a dozen of the local lawsuits are still working their way through the courts. Henigan says he is heartened by several appellate decisions that have allowed suits in Ohio, Illinois and New Jersey to go to trial. But he believes that much of the pending litigation could be dismissed if Congress passes the immunity bill.

Even without the legislation, advocates of holding gunmakers and dealers liable for gun violence may have trouble convincing juries of it.

Peter Schuck, a Yale Law School professor, says gun litigation differs from tobacco litigation in key ways. Juries, he says, have little sympathy for cigarette companies, but they do for gunmakers.

Establishing liability on the part of the gun industry, he says, will be more difficult. “It is almost universally accepted that smoking causes lung cancer,” he says, but linking gunmakers and dealers to violence is more difficult to prove.

Perhaps because they can’t? And they know it?

Mike Ramirez Responds to the Secret Service

In case you weren’t aware, Pulitzer Prize winning political cartoonist Mike Ramirez got into a bit of hot water with the Secret Service with this cartoon:

(which I put up a while back.)

Well, now he has a cartoon up in response to the reaction of the Secret Service:

Ayup.

And here’s one worth a thousand words:

I really like Mike!

“Gun SAFETY” = “Gun ELIMINATION.” Just Like “Gun CONTROL” Used to.

Via Acidman, I find this Washington Post Times piece on the latest proposed “Gun SAFETY” bill. Excerpts:

Gun violence folly

In the latest display of how far gun control advocates will go to devise new methods to limit law-abiding Americans’ ability to purchase guns, Sen. Jon Corzine, New Jersey Democrat (and chairman of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee), and Rep. Patrick Kennedy, Rhode Island Democrat, have come up with a bill giving federal bureaucrats far-reaching authority to regulate gun “safety.” The recently introduced Corzine-Kennedy bill would give the Justice Department the authority “to set minimum safety standards for the manufacture, design and distribution of firearms, issue recalls and warnings, collect data on gun-related death and injury, and limit the sale of products when no other remedy is sufficient, Mr. Corzine’s Web site says.

Minimum safety standards that, of course, will need to be endlessly “tightened” to eliminate “loopholes” and “save just one life.” Recalls and warnings on guns that have been manufactured for decades, but are now found to be “unsafe” – because they’re capable of hurling small metal projectiles at high velocity when someone operates the trigger. And “limit the sale of products” means “limit the sales to zero for the general populace, but let government officials have whatever they deem “necessary.”

The legislation is backed by a coalition of gun control supporters and liberal groups, including the Brady Campaign, the Violence Policy Center, the NAACP, the American Bar Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Consumer Federation of America.

The usual suspects.

A careful reading of the Corzine-Kennedy bill, however, suggests that it would give sweeping powers to an attorney general (particularly if someone like Janet Reno were to assume that position) to make life miserable for anyone involved in the sale or manufacturing of firearms. Title I of the bill would give the attorney general the authority to put forward any regulation he or she deems “reasonably necessary to reduce or prevent unreasonable risk of injury” from a particular gun. Moreover, “any person” would be allowed to petition the attorney general to “require the recall, repair, or replacement of a firearm product, or issuance of refunds with respect to a firearm product.” If there are any limits on such powers, they certainly aren’t apparent from reading the bill.

It is one of my greatest fears that someone like Maryland AG J. Joseph Curran will get appointed to that post under some future Democratic administration.

Mr. Curran is the author of the anti-gun manifesto “A Farewell to Arms.” (PDF)

Read what he advocates.

At least he’s honest enough to say it.

Another Blast from the Past!

A quick one before I head for the airport. Jane Galt had a recent post on “Why can’t the Democrats seem to get it together?” and it’s stirred a bit of controversy in the comment section over just who actually won the 2000 election. That reminded me of a piece I wrote during the debacle on the lost, lamented Themestream.com site (which was also picked up by Keepandbeararms.com – this is the piece that got me banned from posting at Democraticunderground.com. Can’t imagine why.)

An Uncomfortable Conclusion With the continuing legal maneuvers in the Florida election debacle, I have been forced to a conclusion that I may have been unconsciously fending off. The Democratic party thinks we’re stupid. Not “amiable uncle Joe” stupid, but DANGEROUSLY stupid. Lead-by-the-hand-no-sharp-objects-don’t-put-that-in-your-mouth stupid. And they don’t think that just Republicans and independents are stupid, no no! They think ANYBODY not in the Democratic power elite is, by definition, a drooling idiot. A muttering moron. Pinheads barely capable of dressing ourselves. Take, for example, the position under which the Gore election machine petitioned for a recount – that only supporters of the Democratic candidate for President lacked the skills necessary to vote properly, and that through a manual recount those erroneously marked ballots could be “properly” counted in Mr. Gore’s favor. They did this in open court and on national television, and with a straight face. So, it is with some regret that I can no longer hold that uncomfortable conclusion at bay: They’re right. We are. Not all of us, of course, but enough. Those of us still capable of intelligent, logical, independent thought have been overwhelmed by the public school system production lines that have been cranking out large quantities of substandard product for the last thirty-five years or so. The majority of three or four generations have managed to make it into the working world with no knowledge of history, no understanding of the Constitution or civics, no awareness of geography, no ability to do even mildly complex mathematics, no comprehension of science, and realistically little to no ability to read with comprehension, or write with clarity. And we seem to have developed attention spans roughly equivalent to that of your average small bird. After all, about half the public accepted the Democratic premise that we were too stupid to vote correctly because their guy didn’t win by a landslide, didn’t they? And the other half was outraged, not that they made such a ludicrous argument, but that they didn’t want to play fair and by the rules that no one seems to understand or to be able to explain. The other majority party isn’t blameless in this; they like an ignorant electorate too. It’s easier to lead people who can’t or won’t think for themselves. It took both parties and many years of active bipartisan meddling to make the education system into an international laughingstock. However, the end result of this downward spiral has been an electorate ignorant in the simple foundations of this country and its government. Most especially the foundation of a rule of law in which EVERYONE is equal under the laws of the land. The Democrats have taken advantage of this general ignorance to its logical extreme. President Clinton, when testifying under oath, debates the meaning of the word “is”, and essentially gets away with it. Vice President Gore, when shown to be in direct violation of campaign finance law states that there was no “controlling legal authority”. Laws don’t MEAN anything to them. A law is an inconvenient bit of wording that just has to be “interpreted” properly to achieve their ends. When they file suit, they must shop for the proper judge, or they might not be able to get the “spin” they want. Like the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland, words mean just what they want them to mean, no more no less. And that meaning can change at any time. What has this election proven? The system is broken beyond a shadow of a doubt. Humpty-Dumpty is smashed. Regardless of who wins the recount in Florida, we have a system that has abandoned the rule of law because the populace let it, not knowing any better. Everything is up for interpretation. We don’t live in the United States of America anymore, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. We live in `Merica, land of the free to do whatever we please, with no adverse consequences to our actions because that just wouldn’t be “fair”. Ain’t Democracy wunnerful? Let’s just vote ourselves bread and circuses and wait for the Barbarians to come over the walls. Bet that’ll get more than 49% of the vote, huh?

I still stand by this piece. Back to posting Thursday night or Friday.