Tag: snark

Quote of the Day – SciFi Edition

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Quote of the Day – SciFi Edition

From S.M. Stirling’s The Sky People:

As Marc watched, four Gigantosaurs caught a titanosaur calf – a three-year-old weighing a mere thirty tons or so – as it bent its head to drink from one of the streams that veined the plain. The great jaws gaped as the six-ton carnivore reared back, its thick, supple neck curved into an S-shape, then slammed forward.

Even at half a mile distance, the scream of the calf was ear-hurtingly loud, as if God had gotten his toe stuck in a closing door. A stampede went out from the spot like the ripple of a stone thrown into a pond as the plant eaters fled; the armored ones backed into circles, lashing the air with their knobby tail-clubs. The calf and the Gigantosaur went over into the stream in a whipping cloud of spray and flying mud; the others gathered around, dipping their heads to strike like nightmare four-story birds.

After a moment, the flurry of motion died down, and they set their great eagle-claw feet on the calf’s carcass as they worried loose chunks the size of Volkswagens and threw their heads upright to unhinge their jaws and bolt the great gobbets down, rammed backward by the peristaltic motion of their thick tongues. Now and then they would stop to make half-completed strikes and hissing roars at their pack-mates, for all the world like newly elected senators divvying up pork.

It’s now official. I’ll read anything S.M. Stirling writes.

Addendum:

The only difference I ever found between the Democratic leadership and the Republican leadership is that one of them is skinning you from the ankle up and the other, from the ear down. – Huey P. Long

Just thought I’d throw that one in.

Quote of the Day

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Quote of the Day

This one, I’m sure, will be getting a lot of play. From Van Der Leun:

Man one: “Did you see that article in that magazine last week?”

Man two: “Which magazine?”

Man one: “You know, the one with Obama on the cover.”

Man two: “With Obama on the cover? Christ, they all have Obama on the cover. It’s getting so the only place I want to see Obama’s picture is on a milk carton.”

Heh.

Quote of the Day – “Cultural Framework” Edition

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Quote of the Day – “Cultural Framework” Edition

I should be in bed asleep, since I’m writing this at 9:45PM for delayed posting tomorrow, but . . .

Perusing my Sitemeter stats tonight, I ran across a post from 2004 that links to a piece that, well, I just can’t describe, but I’ve decided to archive here in case the originating site ever disappears, since new posts apparently stopped in June of 2006.

LeeAnn of the defunct blog The Cheese Stands Alone wrote about being called in to HR for being “intimidating”:

Sorry, You Forgot To Give Me A Lobotomy With My Nametag

Just got home from work. Am purple with aggravation, frustration, and disbelief. Cannot possibly speak rationally right now. Also apparently have lost all my pronouns somewhere between the car and here.

Breathe deep. Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean…….

Okay, I’m better now.
Here’s the thing… I was called into the HR office today, because one of my coworkers (let’s call her Blondie) wanted to file a complaint against me. The complaint stated that I made her feel “threatened”.
I was slightly reassured, however, that they’d given the problem to the Intern. This bodes well in favor of this being silly enough to count as training for her, apparently. The Intern is approximately 12 years old and has not blood but political correctness flowing in her pre-pubescent veins.
“How” I asked the Intern, “in the world does she think I’ve threatened her?”
Intern: “You’ve made no overt action. She feels intimidated by you, however, and wished to make an official complaint. We felt it was better to discuss the matter with you before taking any action, if necessary.”
Me: “Exactly what did I do?”
Intern: “Er… nothing, really…. she said she’s intimidated by you, because you talk about people and events that she knows nothing about, and she said it makes her feel stupid.”
Me: “You’re kidding, right?”
Intern: “We have to take it seriously, it’s in the manual. “
Me: “Exactly what was it I said that got her upset?”
Intern: “She mentioned something about medical references, and once you talked about Henry VIII…. it bothers her that she doesn’t understand what you’re talking about most of the time. Oh, and McGuyver. “
Me: “She’s upset because she doesn’t know who McGuyver is?”
Intern: “We’re not writing a complaint on this. We just wanted you to be aware of her feelings and be more sensitive to her cultural framework.”
Me: “Oh, you did NOT just say that.”
Intern: “Beg pardon?”
Me: “Nothing, nothing…. okay, so basically if I have to talk to her, I should talk slow, use small words, and mention nothing that happened before last Tuesday?”
Intern: “Did you know sarcasm is considered a form of aggression?”
Me: *backing slowly out of the room* “Uh… okay, gotta go, late for my shift… buh-bye now.”

I haven’t quite decided how to handle this yet. Part of me wants to completely and utterly ignore Blondie and speak nary one more word to her… ever.
And the other part of me wants to start a discussion about quantum physics and watch her head explode.
I’m probably going with the third path…. I’m going to laugh my ass off.

Any guesses as to who The Intern (much less the cow-orker “Blondie”) voted for in the 2008 presidential election? (Though I’m fairly certain “Blondie” screwed up her ballot.)